When Is It Enough?

Today I was awakened by a text from a friend/coworker. She wished me well and informed me that she was no longer with our company. I know nothing else about the situation. She was our assistant manager. She is so dear to me as a friend and a boss. It was a joy to work with her. She is intellegent, hard working, creative, funny...what more can you ask for?

I'm at the point where I'm not sure I can handle many more changes. My husband has two more days at his job. If I am scheduled to work Sunday, then I have four more days. It is getting harder and harder to go in. I just want to stay in bed with my puppies. They know things are not okay; they have been more and more needy the past couple of weeks.

I have been more and more needy as well. My husband is trying to help me through this (as if he isn't going through it as well). He reads to me to calm me before I go to sleep. He texts me throught out the day with sweet notes of love. He is so brave and I am such a coward.

Next week we are going up to my sister's to see if our options might be better up there. There is a university we have been looking at for some time near her house. We had once thought that we could buy her house and transfer up there, but that idea has gone out the window with our jobs.

I'm just feeling so frustrated! I'm used to doing things that get me into trouble. I screw up all the time! But this has nothing to do with me personally - it's just how things are now. I feel so helpless and I hate this feeling!! I'm an action girl, yet I have no idea what action to take!

We have to sell the house. That much I know. It needs a lot of work, but there's no money now for new floors and bathrooms.

We are selling tons of stuff on ebay. That's a positive step, right? We are selling Saron's Transformers collection. I hate that he is selling them. They are important to him. Sure, someone paid over $150.00 for three dinobots tonight, but I've spent the last nine years watching Saron excitedly showing me each new toy that he bought. The smiles on his face as he transforms them from a car to a robot and back again! He is selling all that to keep us in a comfortable home.

He already sold most of his Star Wars collection. I've sold most of my Duran Duran collection several years ago. What I have left, no one seems to want. The same with my Princess Diana collection. I've tried to sell my rubber stamps, but the most I got was .99 cents each, and they didn't all sell... Maybe I should go out to Nevada and work at a brothel...I heard a girl can make good money there! (That's a joke - I believe in my marrage vows...but still...hmmm...)